By The New Akwaya
When British writers Denise Thatcher and Malcolm Scott wrote “The I Hate the French – Official Handbook”, they weren’t just being funny. They were exposing something real. In their chapter called “The French Character,” they described the French as proud, tricky, and obsessed with appearances—more interested in posing than doing the right thing.
It turns out, they were describing more than just France—they were predicting how France would act in Africa, especially in Cameroon.
Back in 1787, British politician Horace Walpole warned, “You can never depend on the French. They are proud and deceitful.”
Fast forward to today—and ask any Ambazonian if that quote fits what France did to us. The answer? Absolutely.
Cameroon: France’s African Experiment
La République du Cameroun (LRC) is not a truly independent country. It is a French-made project, dressed up to look African.
Its presidents are trained in France.
Its military is equipped by France.
Its laws are copied from Paris.
And its democracy? A joke at best, a trap at worst.
President Paul Biya, who’s ruled for over 40 years, is the perfect example. He’s not really serving Cameroonians. He’s serving France. He’s like a colonial governor in a new suit.
Just like in the satirical book, the French never really leave—they just change uniforms.
Ambazonia: Forced to Eat from the French Table
Ambazonia—formerly British Southern Cameroons—is English-speaking. We use Common Law, not French Civil Law. We believe in federalism, not central control. But in 1961, the UN let France hand us over to French Cameroon without even signing a treaty (which was required under international law).
Since then, LRC has tried to force French language, French schools, French judges, and French ways into Ambazonia. And when we resist?
They call us terrorists.
They bomb our villages.
They jail our leaders.
And France stands behind them, smiling for photos in Paris.
The authors of “The French Character” joked that “French democracy is like French mustard—better left in the jar.” In Cameroon, it was poured down our throats with guns and bribes.
Same Old Game, Same Old France
Let’s not be fooled.
The “French system” doesn’t build partnerships—it builds dependence.
It doesn’t offer friendship—it offers control.
It doesn’t share power—it installs puppets.
Ambazonia’s tragedy is that we were never meant to be equals in this so-called union. We were meant to disappear.
But we didn’t.
A Word to the Wise
Ambazonians are waking up. We now understand what the British knew in the 1700s:
You can’t trust the French state—not in politics, not in peace, not in promises.
France’s game in Africa has always been the same:
Create a crisis.
Control the solution.
Install a loyal ruler.
That’s exactly what they did in Cameroon. But we are not fools. We are not “Francophone Africans.”
We are Ambazonians. We are not for sale. And we are done playing the French game.
Conclusion: Is This Satire or Truth?
While it was inspired by a satire book, this article speaks real truths that affect real people.
It is sharp, yes. But it’s serious, political, and important. The humor is used to highlight injustice—not to make jokes.
The New Akwaya
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